This image released by Paramount shows Glynn Turman, left, and Rita Moreno in a scene from “80 for Brady.” (Scott Garfield/Paramount Pictures via AP)
Tom Brady has officially — and finally, he insists — retired from the National Football League. Based on his new movie “80 For Brady,” it’s also time that he immediately retire from filmmaking.
No one emerges with glory from this syrupy, undercooked story of four elderly friends who are determined to see Brady lead an astonishing come-from-behind win at the 2017 Super Bowl.
A quartet of our finest actors — Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno and Sally Field— are sacrificed for cheap laughs and unearned poignancy. And Brady, an executive producer, sullies one of his greatest triumphs. That hissing sound you hear in the theater is not footballs losing air but an audience deflated.
Screenwriters Sarah Haskins and Emily Halpern seem to have opened a door into exploring loss, obligation and regret in our sunset years, but fumble badly, instead drifting into granny-accidentally-takes-an-edible territory.
Up on that screen is an EGOT winner, multiple Oscar, Tony and Emmy owners, a recipient of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor as well as Kennedy Center and Cecil B. DeMille Award honorees. But they are utterly wasted. At one point Field is reduced to participating in a pointless hot wings eating contest.
There’s nothing wrong with silly buddy movies or celebrating age on screen and it’s refreshing to see both bundled here. But don’t tell us you’re empowering the elderly by making them dance The Twist to get past security into the Super Bowl. Add this to the utter misuse of Diane Keaton in last year’s “Mack & Rita,” and we call Hollywood for illegal blindside blocks on seniors and a loss of 15 yards.
Very, very loosely based on actual events, the film is so light plot-wise that it threatens to float away. A ticket mix-up pads a few extra minutes but logic is tossed out, like the time our heroines just happen to find four empty seats in a row just at kickoff — at the Super Bowl.
Brady is a constant benevolent presence throughout, whether speaking to Tomlin’s character through one of his bobble heads or from TV screens in dialogue only she can hear. “This is going to work out,” he promises.
Each of our leading ladies get a single note to develop: Fonda plays the vain, boy-crazy author of Rob Gronkowski erotic fan fiction. Field is the sensible, responsible one. Recent widow Moreno is up for any adventure and Tomlin is the glue holding them together.
When one of the quartet becomes fearful of a recurrence of cancer, Brady becomes her north star and she asks a bust of him what she should do, like a prayer. “He never gives up no matter what he’s up against,” she says. You come to expect a bright halo to appear over Brady’s head.
Director Kyle Marvin fails to build any real tension as he frighteningly shifts from farce to cringe to melancholy, but real footage of the big game is nicely knitted into the second half. The message here is simple: When you’re down, dig deep and go for it. In other words, have the courage to go to a different movie.
At some points the film just becomes a branding opportunity, like for Microsoft Surface and the theme park NFL Experience. “This is better than my wildest dreams,” one of our august actors is forced to say while throwing footballs. When the four later finagle their way into a skybox during the game, one helpfully explains: “You can see everything!” Yes, from up here, you can see terrible writing.
This is a movie that is supposed to boost seniors but has jokes about fanny packs and Pat Sajak. Co-stars Billy Porter, Sara Gilbert and Guy Fieri somehow emerge OK in small roles but the main heroines tread water in what can only be considered an after-school special for the elderly.
“80 for Brady,” a Paramount Pictures release that is only in theaters starting Feb. 3, is rated PG-13 for brief strong language, some drug content and some suggestive references. Running time: 98 minutes. Half a star out of four.
—Mark Kennedy, The Associated Press
FootballMovies and TVNFLTom Brady
Review: ‘80 for Brady’ is a sports film fumble for the ages
- Advertisment - 
Recent Comments
on Iowa State starting RB Jirehl Brock among latest college football players charged in gambling probe
on The Rev. Al Sharpton to lead protest after Florida governor’s ban of African American studies course
on Sports World Hails ‘Superwoman’ Lindsey Vonn for Her Grand Comeback Despite Career-Changing Injury
on San Mateo County Community College District sues five companies over role in ‘pay to play’ scandal
on Saipan, placid island setting for Assange’s last battle, is briefly mobbed – and bemused by the fuss
on ‘Pokémon Scarlet’ and ‘Violet’ Fan Theories Suggest Legendary Time Travel, Alternate Dimension Plot
on Joe Manchin and Tommy Tuberville introduce bill on name, image and likeness rules for college sports
on Inside the Michael Jordan ‘Air’ movie, plus why NFL, others are buying into the sports film industry
on If you’re a frequent traveler, these wrap tops from Aday will revolutionize your on-the-go wardrobe
on How Does Jack Nicklaus Travel? Exploring the Private Jets Owned by the ‘Golden Bear’ Over the Years
on Hollywood Reporter: Tom Cruise negotiated with movie studios over AI before the actors strike began
on Ford Blue Cruise: US regulators investigate fatal crashes involving hands-free driving technology
on Dozens of boats cruise the Seine in a rehearsal for the Paris Olympics’ opening ceremony on July 26
on Devout athletes find strength in their faith. But practicing it and elite sports can pose hurdles
on Despite strong Lunar New Year holiday data, consumer spending in China isn’t roaring back just yet
on David and Victoria Beckham so ‘Charmed’ by Tom Cruise They Have His Photos on Display at Their Home
on CONCEPT ART: New Details Revealed for Disney Cruise Line Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point Destination
on CBS Sports announces Matt Ryan will join NFL studio show. Longtime analysts Simms and Esiason depart
on Boston College vs. Army live stream, how to watch online, CBS Sports Network channel finder, odds
on Boise State vs. Air Force live stream, odds, channel, prediction, how to watch on CBS Sports Network
on Biden to tout bill’s prescription drug prices, energy provisions in pitch to Americans, aide says
on After UFC Fallout, Conor McGregor Offers a Valuable Piece of Advice to Free Agent Francis Ngannou
on 2024 Super Bowl: CBS Sports Network and CBS Sports HQ to combine for 115 hours of weeklong coverage
on ‘Best Intention’: Chris Kirk Has Absolute Trust in Jay Monahan and PGA Tour’s Widely Debated Model
on 2023 NFL All-Rookie Team: CBS Sports draft expert, former GM unveil league’s best first-year players
on “Completely Knocked Me Out”: Rob Lowe Recalls Boxing Match With Tom Cruise On 1983 Brat Pack Classic
on CONCEPT ART: New Details Revealed for Disney Cruise Line Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point Destination
on “Completely Knocked Me Out”: Rob Lowe Recalls Boxing Match With Tom Cruise On 1983 Brat Pack Classic
on CBS Sports announces Matt Ryan will join NFL studio show. Longtime analysts Simms and Esiason depart
on Carlos Sainz’s Soccer Fanboy Emerges as Spaniard Shares Defining Moment With This Real Madrid Legend
on Biden: ‘At this point I’m not’ planning to visit East Palestine, Ohio, after toxic train derailment
on ‘Best Intention’: Chris Kirk Has Absolute Trust in Jay Monahan and PGA Tour’s Widely Debated Model
on Ahead of big sports weekend, dispute with Disney leaves millions of cable subscribers in the dark
on A heavy wave of Russian missile attacks pounds areas across Ukraine, killing at least 4 civilians
on 2024 Super Bowl: CBS Sports Network and CBS Sports HQ to combine for 115 hours of weeklong coverage
on 2023 NFL All-Rookie Team: CBS Sports draft expert, former GM unveil league’s best first-year players
on Army vs. Coastal Carolina live stream, how to watch online, CBS Sports Network channel finder, odds
on AL Rookie of the Year Julio Rodriguez Spreads Joy and Sportsmanship to the Youth of Loma de Cabrera
on After UFC Fallout, Conor McGregor Offers a Valuable Piece of Advice to Free Agent Francis Ngannou
on Dubai International Airport sees 41.6 million passengers in first half of year, more than in 2019
on Devout athletes find strength in their faith. But practicing it and elite sports can pose hurdles
on Despite strong Lunar New Year holiday data, consumer spending in China isn’t roaring back just yet
on Dave Portnoy: Taylor Swift’s security should ‘drag Kim Kardashian to jail’ if she attends Eras Tour
on CONCEPT ART: New Details Revealed for Disney Cruise Line Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point Destination
on “Completely Knocked Me Out”: Rob Lowe Recalls Boxing Match With Tom Cruise On 1983 Brat Pack Classic
on CBS Sports, Serie A announce new TV rights deal; Paramount+ to air over 400 Italian soccer matches
on Cam Newton’s Violent Public Incident Draws Hilarious Reaction From 3x All-Star: “Where Do I Sign Up
on Boston College vs. Army live stream, how to watch online, CBS Sports Network channel finder, odds
on Angel Reese Launches Foundation Dedicated To Empowering Women Through Sports & Financial Literacy
on A weaker dollar, skyrocketing prices and ‘record’ visitor numbers: Good luck in Europe this summer