I’ll be visiting my sister and her family this fall (again, I’m making the cross-country trek). My niece is engaged to a man who seems to be calling all the shots and needed 18 months to start a ring fund. I imagine they will tie the knot next year. Whenever I ask my sister, she mentions that the couple are saving for a house (despite receiving a seven-figure sum for it from the groom’s uncle) and gives the impression the guest list will be small. If I’m invited I’d like to bring my adult daughter. I won’t go without her. Thoughts?
Advertisement
I think you dislike these people and shouldn’t go to the wedding. Is it too late to change your autumn travel plans, for that matter? Because here’s the thing: Visiting family (or friends) and celebrating life events with them is supposed to strengthen the relationship. If every single thing your sister, niece, future nephew-in-law, and his extended family do is going to irritate you like a mosquito bite under a plaster cast, well, that’s not really going to strengthen anything, is it? Except for the Pavlovian association of your family with resentment, annoyance, and suppressed rage. That relationship will probably get nailed down even more securely.
As far as the potential lack of an invitation to your daughter for a not-yet-planned wedding, you could simply tell your sister that it would mean a great deal to you if she were included on the guest list. Don’t make an ultimatum that you won’t go without her, Sally Field-style (I write, dating myself). Doing that would introduce an unpleasant dynamic in which not inviting your daughter comes off as a deliberate provocation, while inviting her feels like capitulation.
Does that dynamic sound familiar? Because something is obviously amiss between you and Sis. Work it through, either with her or in your own heart, or learn to enjoy the ritual combat (as my mother and aunt did). But keep it away from the next generation. Your daughter and her cousin deserve a chance to make their own relationship with each other. And if you really can’t get there, then really don’t go there (to the wedding). No wedding couple deserve to have guests who are perched in anticipation of some faux pas worth taking umbrage at. That’s just mean. Don’t celebrate with people unless you’re actually happy for them.
Advertisement
Now, a travel tip: If you’re staying with an out-of-town friend, or just visiting one, a mug from their favorite local coffee shop or deli makes a delightful gift. No one ever buys themselves a mug from their fave local place, but most people want one. Get one for yourself, and then you’ll have matching mugs. For gifts to bring home, nothing beats fancy tea towels: packable, regiftable, available in a near-infinite variety of styles.
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a writer with a PhD in psychology.
If I’m invited to my niece’s wedding, I’d like to bring a guest. But what if I’m not allowed to bring someone?
- Advertisment - 
Recent Comments
on CONCEPT ART: New Details Revealed for Disney Cruise Line Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point Destination
on “Completely Knocked Me Out”: Rob Lowe Recalls Boxing Match With Tom Cruise On 1983 Brat Pack Classic
on CBS Sports announces Matt Ryan will join NFL studio show. Longtime analysts Simms and Esiason depart
on Carlos Sainz’s Soccer Fanboy Emerges as Spaniard Shares Defining Moment With This Real Madrid Legend
on Biden: ‘At this point I’m not’ planning to visit East Palestine, Ohio, after toxic train derailment
on ‘Best Intention’: Chris Kirk Has Absolute Trust in Jay Monahan and PGA Tour’s Widely Debated Model
on Ahead of big sports weekend, dispute with Disney leaves millions of cable subscribers in the dark
on A heavy wave of Russian missile attacks pounds areas across Ukraine, killing at least 4 civilians
on 2024 Super Bowl: CBS Sports Network and CBS Sports HQ to combine for 115 hours of weeklong coverage
on 2023 NFL All-Rookie Team: CBS Sports draft expert, former GM unveil league’s best first-year players
on Army vs. Coastal Carolina live stream, how to watch online, CBS Sports Network channel finder, odds
on AL Rookie of the Year Julio Rodriguez Spreads Joy and Sportsmanship to the Youth of Loma de Cabrera
on After UFC Fallout, Conor McGregor Offers a Valuable Piece of Advice to Free Agent Francis Ngannou
on Dubai International Airport sees 41.6 million passengers in first half of year, more than in 2019
on Devout athletes find strength in their faith. But practicing it and elite sports can pose hurdles
on Despite strong Lunar New Year holiday data, consumer spending in China isn’t roaring back just yet
on Dave Portnoy: Taylor Swift’s security should ‘drag Kim Kardashian to jail’ if she attends Eras Tour
on CONCEPT ART: New Details Revealed for Disney Cruise Line Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point Destination
on “Completely Knocked Me Out”: Rob Lowe Recalls Boxing Match With Tom Cruise On 1983 Brat Pack Classic
on CBS Sports, Serie A announce new TV rights deal; Paramount+ to air over 400 Italian soccer matches
on Cam Newton’s Violent Public Incident Draws Hilarious Reaction From 3x All-Star: “Where Do I Sign Up
on Boston College vs. Army live stream, how to watch online, CBS Sports Network channel finder, odds
on Angel Reese Launches Foundation Dedicated To Empowering Women Through Sports & Financial Literacy
on A weaker dollar, skyrocketing prices and ‘record’ visitor numbers: Good luck in Europe this summer