Spend the holidays like a royal in England’s Grimsthorpe Castle

History for the holidays
It’s beginning to spend a lot like Christmas.
Travel gurus are pushing 16th-century Grimsthorpe Castle, the masterpiece of Sir John Vanbrugh who threw together Blenheim Palace and Castle Howard.
Henry VIII gifted this to William, 11th Lord Willoughby de Eresby and his Spanish bride, Maria de Salinas, lady-in-waiting to Henry’s Queen Catherine of Aragon. I mean, forget booking the holiday in Rockaway, who else would tell you these things. It’s owned under the title Barony of Willoughby de Eresby.
From 2,085 pounds, two nights per couple, the offer includes: art tour, Champagne in the Chinese drawing room, castle tour with its collections manager and grounds walk with the head gardener. Plus a signed copy of some magazine featuring Grimsthorpe on the cover.
Can book for groups up to eight.
The latest yuks
Maybe it’s the prevalent anti-Semitism, but I’ve just received Bobby Slayton and Tony Nourmand’s “A Small Book of Jewish Comedians.”
Like Bill Maher’s: “I’m half Jewish, half Catholic. I’d go to confession, say, ‘Bless me, Father, for I have sinned . . . and you know my attorney, Mr. Cohen.’ ”
Billy Crystal: “My family spoke Yiddish, a language of coughing and spitting. Until I was 11 I wore a raincoat.”
Buddy Hackett: “My wife said: ‘I want to be cremated.’ I said, ‘How’s Tuesday?’ ”
Don Rickles: “Italians can work us over in an alley while singing an opera.”
Welcome to the jungle
Also: Don’t monkey around, King Kong’s making a comeback. Samsung’s gone ape this Christmas and is bringing KK into the gaming world. Climbing up the Empire State Building he’s not — but for players who buy games it’s the top banana.
Top Games CEO David Guo: “Games bring us together wherever we are in the world.”
Barking dogs
Netflix’s two semi-royal piggies reminded me of a tidbit. Before becoming a queen in waiting Camilla told me: “Not always easy. Standing interminably on lines in heels can be very tiring. And hurts. I get pains in my feet. I get corns. When the prince and I get back I take my shoes off and walk around barefoot.”
Queen Consort Camilla admitted that standing around in heels can leave her feet hurting. Photo by Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images
Bucking-homey Palace.
Food & stuff
East 67th Street vendors have reopened for business.
To join the piggy who went to market, its Indoor-Outdoor Farmers and Flea Market — up since 1979, down during the pandemic — returned. Fruit, veggies, olives, pickles, breads, cheese, meats, flowers, collectibles, antiques, arts and crafts, jewelry — junk, punk, gunk — is back.
More exciting than if Biden made a pass at Germany’s Merkel. Location is PS 183 playground twixt First and York. Saturdays 6 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Hochul mightn’t squeeze any tomatoes there because fresh after election she did crab cake, calamari, chicken parmigiana, rib-eye steak, Sancerre wine — and her husband — at Tudor City Steakhouse.
For the holiday, NYC cabbies may rent their cab’s electric billboard to drive past your ex-boss’ house. It’ll show a heart. Painted on it? A middle finger.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.